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Take a bite out of this, horse racing fans: In (dis)honor of the 150th running of the Kentucky Derby, former convict Martha Stewart is curating the 2024 “Derby At-Home” recipes—a party menu that attempts to mask the bitter taste left in one’s mouth by the cruel horse racing industry.
PETA’s biting parody of Stewart’s recipes offers a taste of the truth.
Check out our spoof 2024 Derby At-Home menu below:
Bob Baffert Poppy Seed Bagel Bites
Even though notorious trainer Bob Baffert is banned from the Kentucky Derby for another year, you can enjoy one of his classic excuses in every bite.
These poppy seed bagel bites not only are tasty but also come with a handy explanation if you test positive for opiates at work the following week.
Ferdinand ‘Horses in a Blanket’ Sausage Rolls
Roll over, “pigs in a blanket,” because these are for Derby fans “so hungry they could eat a horse.”
These rolls were named for Kentucky Derby winner Ferdinand, slaughtered for meat in Japan. You can add teriyaki sauce to the tender basashi (i.e., raw horse meat).
For kicks, you could make a Korean barbecue variation to honor Private Vow, a Kentucky Derby runner killed in South Korea for meat.
To show how fresh the meat is, watch PETA’s undercover investigation into the slaughterhouse (above) and our dramatic rescue of My Elusive Dream in South Korea minutes before she would have faced the butcher’s knife:
Big-Batch ‘Drug Cocktail’
Forget the tired mint juleps. Get a real buzz from this cocktail of hormones, stimulants, and painkillers—like what’s routinely administered to racehorses.
Be creative. You can mix every drug you can think of into this batch, from thyroid and diabetes medication to diuretics—even meth!
You won’t need a prescription or even a diagnosis to drink this cocktail. And the best part is that it will mask any of your pre-existing injuries, so you can dance till you drop during your Derby party.
Eight Belles Gingersnaps
These ginger cookies, shaped like horses’ ankles, will snap just like filly Eight Belles’ two front ankles shattered at the Kentucky Derby just after she crossed the finish line.
Whipped Cream Derby Pie
Nothing beats this decadent traditional dessert that will whip your guests into a frenzy, just like jockey Victor Espinoza did to Triple Crown winner American Pharoah. He struck the Thoroughbred 32 times during a previous Kentucky Derby.
‘Death-by-Chocolate’ Bourbon Balls
Be sure to make a dozen of these bourbon-infused balls—one for each of the 12 horses who died at Churchill Downs last year in the weeks surrounding the Kentucky Derby.
These delicious treats will have you singing “My Old Kentucky Home” (or “Taps”) all the way home.
Want to See More of PETA’s Best Recipes—Some Real Ones?
You’ve come to the right place. We have hundreds of free vegan recipes to help you make the most of any party.
PETA also makes it quick and easy to take action for horses exploited for entertainment. Using your smartphone or computer, you can race into action to help equines in no time.
